How's This for Defiance?

UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE:
Hello. This is Ariel, writing this on February 25, 2013. I'm here to tell you that I have deleted a lot of stuff from other posts that was very personal. Much of it was about "BES," a guy towards whom I used to feel an attraction. A lot of it was gooey, romantic stuff. I deleted it because it's embarrassing and no longer true. However, I decided to keep this post in its (almost) entirety, because this post very much represents my current feelings about him.
Without further ado:


Hey, nonexistent readers! You remember Blue-Eyed Poetry Subject? Remember him and his unattainability? His despicability? Oh, you don't remember that last one? (probably because it is apparently not a word) Well, remember it now.

He's despicable. I can't even remember why I loved him. I tried, believe me. I got this: physical attractiveness, maybe? uhhhhh, like, good grades? Something about the pretense of kindness? He's said something somewhat humorous once or twice?

You know, I really did love him. I can't fathom why, but I did. And I'm such a damn good catch. I mean, I'm not physically attractive, but wait twenty years and no one will be, so screw that. I'm the best damn person in my high school. I'm a fucking genius. I'm an artist. A poet. A writer. A thinker. Amazing, I am.

Meanwhile, he is someone who gets good grades through tricks and memorization, does not understand the concept of learning for the sake of knowledge, nor does he have the ability to think on a higher level than literal. He cares only for a good college and a good career and what will impress the people in charge of securing those for him. He cares not for the arts, for literature, for culture, for anything that we humans live for. He cannot process anything profound. He is shallow.

But I'm not just going to sit here and give you processed paragraphs. Here are some stanzas which sum up things that are not about his despicability (it ought to be added to the dictionary; I don't see why it isn't there already) and more about my utter brilliance.

And Now I Fly

You are nothing.

I am brilliant

I am radiant

I am beautiful

I am amazing.

You are nothing.

I loved you once

An irrational love to be sure

And I cannot understand it

For you are a ground-creature

You are nothing.

Here I once sat,

four years or more ago,

and watched the arrow-seeds

spiral in their dances off the trees

In the warm, vibrant, spring-blue sky

And I sat and soaked it in

I once sat here and fancied 

I could control the wind

Because it flew to the same song as my soul.

Here I once ran

Here I once walked

Here I once danced

And sang in the rain.

Here I rejoiced

Here were my family

Here were my friends

I walked through the forest,

crunching through the wet brown leaves, 

wet from raindrops,

only to see the first blooming yellow daffodils of spring.

Sure I was in another world.

I spun and spun in dizzy happiness

On the green green grass

In summer

Then I fell back 

And stared into the deep blue sky.

Sure I would one day fly.

And I thought of you here once,

too,

but never in moments of profundity

Only frivolity.

Moments of deep music

Were the winter sunrises of orange-yellow-burning-amber

Peeking-through-the-spindly-branches

And winter sunsets of violet-gray

Suffusing the whole sky with wonder

The summers spent gazing into the faraway-

but-close

green pines, scraping the sky

And dancing and running 

and writing my poetry

My soul never an inch from music.

There were moments of blackness, too

to be sure

But the mother tree whispered to me,

in the September soft yellow-leaf breeze

in the autumn gray-sky drizzle

in the end-of-winter snow-rain

in the April spring soul-scented rain

in the passionate summer storm

That it would be all right again.

Oh, how I did weep tears of joy

At the majesty of soft dandelions

Whispering and bending in their song

Where there had once been deadness

Falling again

To rest my head under the furthest tree

And watch the past creep by

In brilliant summer sunlight.

I was content here, once

Content to think that 

Home is not so far away

If I can only capture that summerblue sky

Which is not at all your accursed dull eyes

So now I sit on the wooden stairs

And stare at the place of my years of youth

And I hardly shiver in the stark winter cold

For there is yet grass

Do not think I forget, cruel masters,

The sole yellow young dandelion

Standing tall amongst the dead leaves in November.

I shall never forget.

The wind is flying now

And it tells me,

You shall achieve your dreams.

It’s time for me to join it in flying

It’s time for me to enter that deep blue sky

And leave you behind

Oh, you earthbound creature

I’ll fly, fly, fly

And you’ll watch.

I’ll dance with the wind, 

pirouette with the spiraling seeds into another world

And find my way to the steed of time

And ride along without fear.

I am brilliant

I am fearless.

Do I need you?

Stubborn, despicable groundling?

No.

I dance.

And now I fly.

Letters and numbers must take different paths, you see. Take yours and leave my light-filled sidewalk to me.

Quoting oneself. That is when one knows that one is a- geez, get out of my head, English teacher. Ha ha. 

Still my favorite teacher. Oh, and by the way? Blue-Eyed Despicability doesn't like her at all, apparently. Well, what a surprise, seeing that his idea of a good class is one that he can get through without using any thinking skills.


UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE: OK, maybe this is a bit pretentious, but it was good for me to get rid of that stupid "crush" thing in tenth grade.

Love is but a folly. And you'll find that out through time.

I did, anyway.

From your defiant poet who is finally free,

Ariel