It's raining again!

Sorry I haven't posted in forever... Ack, it's the end of a five-day weekend and I have school in 10 hours. But it's early-summery-storming and I just love it. There's always that thing about each season that you forget when you're not in that season, and then you experience it again and you love it and wish you could remember it the rest of the year, but you always, always forget.
In that vein, here's a poem about rain. It's not about early summer storms, it's about mid-spring storms, and there's a world of difference. The rain is my best friend. I would know.

Give Me Rain

RAIN

Storming drumbeats

Passionate, flying, wildly dancing raindrops

Thunderclaps 

like heartbeats

Lightning

Is electricity pulsing through my soul

My dark,

violet, copper-colored night air

Dark sky

Soul

Crackling with lightning and thunder

And dancing to the raindrops

Trees, tossing their heads wildly

Can’t they have one last dance

Before they’re cut down

To make room for 

Suburban lawns and strip malls

God, give me rain

Give me wind

Give me stormclouds

I long for the nights where I lay awake

Eyes wide open

To dance with raindrops

I want to fall asleep

To the lullaby of softly pattering rain

And drizzling, dripping drops

And wake to a haze of muted green and blue

Sidewalks with worms scattered

Like the pieces of my soul 

and my hair

and the leaves on the trees

Before they are all packed

neatly back into their

summertime box

One last dance

Give me one last rainstorm

Rain

Give me rain

Also, it appears I forgot I wrote this little gem in economics.

OMIGOD IT JUST THUNDERED. OH MY GOD. YAAAAY.

Anyway, I forgot I wrote this little gem in economics, as I was saying. Gosh, economics just inspires a hatred of the world for me. I think it's Special Snowflake and BES and the general subject that I hate. (P.S. BES and Special Snowflake are genuinely no longer an issue I swear I really swear.) Oh yeah, by the way, I feel more confident about the AP exam now. I most likely got a 4, but I might get a 5. Possibly. Not. 

ANYWAY. Poem:

The Rat Race

Hello, fellow students

I plan to go into art history

And before you say anything,

no, my only concern in life

is not getting a fancy, expensive car

So please,

no comments until the end of the presentation

I want a job in a museum

Yes, those are difficult to get

In case you hadn’t noticed,

while you were busy

playing video games

and playing at being grown-up

I was acing every test

and was the top of the class

So I think I might have a chance

Yes, the salary is low, that’s right

Yes, that’s a very hipster job

Yes, you rather do expect

that in a few years

I won’t be saying,

“Look at that painting of a woman in a hat”

but rather

“Would you like fries with that?”

You’re so witty

Why don’t you go stand 

with the mile-long line

of doctors, lawyers, engineers

Hadn’t I planned to be a writer?

No, that’s already checked off

my to-do list

I’m already a writer

I have always been a writer

I don’t need a degree in anything

to be a writer

Run, run, run

Keep racing in your rat-wheel

Settle in a suburban home

With a nuclear family

And pin your diploma up on the wall

Commute to work each day

with a briefcase

Calls, calls, meetings, calls

Race the others ‘til you fall

Boom, thud, it falls in place

Make-up on your corpse’s face

Pick out a designer tomb

And cry now you know

who is better than whom

You’re just time’s slave

As the clock ticks on

Tick, tick, tick, tick

Buried and dead before the dawn

Go ahead,

choose

the safer path

Get your paycheck

Get approval

Get your fancy,

expensive car

Be rich,

and wonder why you are

Is it really better

to know

you’ll never go far?

Yep. Grammar. It helps you rhyme.

That poem doesn't cover the extent of my feelings about the subject, but it was all I could write in the 42-minute period.

Anyway... I'm listening to "Featherstone" by the Paper Kites. It's my new squealing song. "Yellow" by Coldplay was my one from last week, when I didn't post on here. I forgot how fun it is to post here. I like it here. 

Oh well. It doesn't matter much. I'm very calm and idyllically tranquil and happy, which is odd considering it's the night before I have to go back to school after a long weekend- usually a cause of maaajor stress for me.

It's all right though.

I'll write more soon.

Your peaceful rain-loving poet,

Ariel

News on my life

So I just took the AP English Language exam. Like, it ended two hours ago. I'm basically brain-dead now, so sorry if this isn't, you know, super duper articulate.
Yeah, I know you don't care. Good for you. I'm worthless. That's been made pretty damn clear; it doesn't have to be re-hammered in.
I highly doubt I got a 5. Like, a 4, if I'm lucky. I was so nervous I did horribly on the multiple choice, wrote a half-decent synthesis essay- admittedly I think I did very well on analysis, despite disregarding certain rhetorical strategies- and a horrible, horrible argument essay.
Won't reveal anything else, since it's, you know, against the law, and nobody takes that law seriously but I don't want my score disqualified, regardless of the fact that I know I failed.
Uh, I mainly wrote this because I'm bored and I WOULD read but I think my mind can't handle any more reading right now. Also I want to bump that awful post from the top. I'll probably delete everything but the poem anyway.
OK. I don't really have any appropriate poems to post. I'm just... sort of annoyed with the test content. I can't say anything more. It's surprising that I am annoyed with it, because everyone else loved it for the reason I hated it. Again... stupid College Board restrictions. Like, what, people in California have enclosed phones in their skin where they're looking this stuff up?
So... yeah. I could have gotten a 5, if not for being too nervous to do well and the content not really being suited to my area of ability. I'm not going to be unrealistic and say, "I WOULD HAVE FAILED EVEN IF THE ONLY QUESTION WAS HOW TO SPELL CAT". No. I know I'm half-decent at English. I just wish I hadn't done so horribly today.
I really should just go do my Chem homework, so when I get home I can curl up into a ball and realize I'm not going to get into a good college.
Bye,
Ariel

Another Poem: "I Wonder"

GUYS: Here's the poem. If you want the backstory, you can read all this crap, or you can read the summary bit at the bottom. Or this sentence: "Love is some weird confusing shit. Here are my thoughts on that."
Update: I deleted a good deal of it. You'll be grateful. It's boring.

I Wonder

“I wonder what it’s like

to be at the top of one of those skyscrapers”

I wonder what it’s like

to be in love.

Maybe I’ll never know.

I’ll never remember.

Whoosh- 

lights everywhere in the city

eerie orange fog

Perfect, invisible moon.

Like my love for you

so beautiful, so overwhelming

A mere reflection

of you, the shining sun in my life

Like my love for you

That disappeared behind the fog

So beautiful

Now invisible

It is possible to fall out of love,

and it is wonderful to be free

to not be tied down to you anymore

But what was it about you,

about love,

that made my spirit soar?

How did I see

that our souls were patterned the same way?

How did I see

that I had found someone to believe in

to admire

to love

Your eyes disappeared in the sky

Tell me, o lost wayward poets...

Remind me...

What is it like to be in love?

So I'm way too tired to rant about my life but I have the AP English Language exam next week and I know I'm not even going to get a 3 so don't you little nonexistent fellows worry your nonexistent heads about it alright.
I wrote another poem a while ago. I have a crap load of these that I haven't posted here. My SONG, for one, and one called "Footsteps" or something, and "Give Me Rain" which I haven't posted since it hasn't rained.

(The main point of the text block that used to be here is something stupid. The point is that I. DO. NOT. LIKE. THE. PERSON. I. USED. TO. LIKE. ANY. MORE. I THINK HE SUCKS. HE IS TERRIBLE. IT IS NOT EVEN AN INTERNAL CONFLICT ANYMORE. IT IS DONE. IT IS DECIDED. I DO NOT LIKE HIM. THE. END.)


And none of that is the point of my poem. Ha ha, did you just read all of that? Well, sucks for you. Anyway, the point of my poem is that I felt sad that a sort of era was ending. We were driving through Manhattan at sunset and I pondered over the fact that I may never know what love feels like again. Is that good or bad? Curious... We were listening to this beautiful song "Sad Romance". If you're writing, well, a sad romance, use that song. It is PERFECT.
The bit about the moon is because there was a Super Moon and I couldn't see it due to the fog. And in the same way, my love was like a moon, and now is hidden behind the fog. Oh, so poetic, yada yada yada.

OK. So now off to hope no one in my real life ever sees this ever, even when I'm 80 years old and biographers are digging up shit to put in The Life and Lies of Ariel for my future starry-eyed pupils to be shocked at. Maybe I should just be gay for an evil wizard, that'd be better than this. Quick? Any evil female wizards? Anyone?
Hey, is "be gay for" homophobic? 'Cause one wouldn't say "be straight for" in regards to being sexually attracted to the opposite sex... I wasn't straight for BES...
Whatever. As aforementioned, I'm like, half asleep.
'Kay. Goodbye, all.
Your tired poet who needs to study,
Ariel

I Didn't Know It Was a Crime to Be a Feminist

Why do I go on Figment?
I can't stop crying.

Songbird

I’m like a songbird

Who, after hibernating in the soft burrow

in the woods

for a dozen years

pokes her head out.

Is relatively unharmed,

and flies a little higher up.

Then tries to sing

a melodic harmony

only to be shot

by a battalion of arrows

and fall

to the 

ground

dead

My little bird

without the words

left me

to sing somewhere else

So I lay here, left for dead

I knew

I didn’t have pretty colored feathers

like the parakeets

and it didn’t bother me

But I at least 

had wished

I wouldn’t have been shot

for my voice

Alas,

you’ll never hear this songbird

sing

again.

I have to do my homework, now, though my French homework doesn't make sense (but I'm not much good in French anyway) so I'll do my Algebra 2 homework.
I mean that no one thinks I'm pretty, and I don't mind; but no one thinks I'm smart, and that bothers me a lot. I wish someone thought I was smart, or you know, worth something. It hurts to be thought of as the stupid, naive one. It hurts a lot.
Being intelligent matters to me. Being a good writer matters to me. But no one thinks I am either.
I'm still crying.
I wish I was home. Knowing my luck, I'll die here, in the midst of this American suburbia, with no last words to mark that even I thought I could be worth something.
I wish I could depict how I feel without saying I'm crying, but you know I can't write to save my life, so I can't.

Now I really have to go do my homework. Goodbye, nonexistent readers.
From your worthless poet,
Ariel

UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE: I do not feel worthless anymore! I am full of great self confidence! This is old angst! Ignore it!

Has It Been Forever? It Has Not

First post of May! I feel like I barely post anymore. I mean, once people start reading this (that implies people eventually will, ha ha) I'll post regularly.
But don't expect that next year. You want to see my schedule for next year?

UPDATE FROM THE FUTURE: a lot of this stuff is really dumb. Like, AP Stats is a joke. It's really easy. So, yeah, I didn't know a lot back then.

French 4- lovely, but I've heard it's difficult
AP English Literature- YAAAAY
Journalism/Creative Writing- YAAAAY and a practical arts credit
AP US History- yay But difficult. (See my e.e. cummings-esque capitalization there?)
AP Statistics- Trust me, I didn't want to take this. I'm not even prepared- the prerequisite is calculus. I'm taking Algebra 2 this year. (Speaking of which, the whole point of this post is to procrastinate studying for my Algebra 2 test tomorrow.) But I'm required to by the stupid program at my school.
Lunch- SO DIFFICULT AAAH. :)
AP Bio- Should be difficult, but eh. I'm cool with bio.
Gym- Hatred, I hate it. Did you know this gym teacher, not even my gym teacher, did the following (in play format):

Random Dude: Hey. Ms. Crazy Sports (that's her name now, btw) wants you over there. Both of you.
My Friend and I: Uh, oh, all right. (Walk over there)
Ms. C (looks at my friend): You got a P.E. app on that phone?
My Friend: Wh-what?
Ms. C: An app. You know what an app is?
My Friend: (nods)
Ms. C: Well, you got a P.E. app? A physical education app?
My Friend: No...
Ms. C: Well, you must've been texting Michelle Obama or someone real important to let it interrupt P.E. (turns to me) And you! Is that book for English or P.E.?
Me: (looks at Walden) Uh... I'm just... uh... reading it... Should I put it away...?
Ms. C: Well, you both better put away those things in your lockers, and from now on, you don't bring anything to P.E. but that water bottle (points to my water bottle) and your self.

Earlier that day:
Friend at my lunch table: Ugh, are you kidding me?
Me: What?
Friend at my lunch table: (pointing to school paper) They're getting the turf field after all.
Me: MORE money spent on sports? Guess they'll take it from the arts...
Friend at my lunch table: We don't HAVE money for the arts to take from. We pay for it ourselves.

MORAL OF THE STORY: It is a better use of my time to learn and be enlightened then to stand around while people play volleyball around me.

Anywho. So that's my schedule, and a little anecdote in play format as well.
And the moral of THIS story is- would you look at that? I barely even have time to do my Algebra 2 homework anymore. Guess I just won't study. Too bad.

Oh, you wanted a poem? Here's a fun story: Yesterday, some Figgie (by the way, despite my constant bashing of Figment on here, I actually do adore the site. Lots of stuff I like comes out weird on here. For example, my English teacher. Or BES, a really nice person in real life. Special Snowflake is an idiot, though, and always shall be.) complained about a writing assignment to include all her vocab words in a poem. So she challenged us to try it. I, never one to turn down an opportunity not to do my economics homework, took the challenge.
It came out pretty well. It's basically "Shattered Crystal" with more fancy vocab words, but whatever.

Sterling silver coins

Do not console me

And I find no asylum

In the dross diamonds

(that make up your world)

This place 

is not impervious

to abasement

And soon,

the 

light

will

dwindle

Don’t warp my words

With your 

fallacious arguments

I see your vicious eyes!

Like a blood-red sunrise

I am not liable for

your glass minds.

Why should I remunerate you

with my assurance

that your institute

is yet immune

to 

tainting

and corruption?

For it is tainted.

I will be flippant!

I will be pugnacious!

I will be preposterous!

There is a plethora

of wealth

But of life

there is a dearth

here

I am rabid for life!

I am starving for light! 

I venture

to that realm

of rejuvenation

where your

sanguine smile

cannot touch me

Sparse bread, perhaps

is a small price to pay

for 

effervescent life

I heed that clarion call

of music

beyond the horizon

Where I now dare

to go

Dilate my world

It is not 

to be diminished

into small facts and figures

Or bits of precious metal

I am the sun.

Not bad, eh? Not bad. "I am rabid for life! I am starving for light!" That bit reminds me of something, for some reason... Don't know what...
OK, well, there's three minutes left in study hall and I need to mourn my Algebra 2 grade, so I'll post more some other time. Maybe "Give Me Rain"... though I'll save that for when it's raining... so maybe my traveler poem, or finally my song. (Remember that? Haha)

Your sports-hating poet,
Ariel